Am I not cool???

WTF every time i turn around yet ANOTHER female that I went to high school with is pregnant. I mean is this a new trend? If i didnt know any better i would think I was being left behind because I havent dropped outta school and dropped a few babies by now. And you know what really gets me about these young mothers is that they think its ok! Like they got all these pictures and status' up talkin bout "yea im bout to have my baby shower tomorro" and "the baby this" and " the baby that". To me it just reads " I effed up and i want everybody to know it! hey look at me! Cheese!" When you look at the pictures there is NO FATHER in any of them. Why do these females constantly set themselves and their children up for failure? In MOST cases the father is not even going to be around to see their "little mistake's" 7th birthday. Then the mother is dealing with working all day at some crappy job because she has no college degree & the baby doesnt know who their real parents are because everybody is babysitting him/her.

Now what ive seen on facebook alone is this one girl was pregnant she was basically a fresh high school graduate, her baby died before she had it, sad I kno. BUT WAIT she feels the need to fufill her undying wish for a child and goes and gets pregnant again! All of this in one year. She was sooo happy to finally have her child and her and her other friend who is the same age are up there talkin bout our kids can play together and they can grow up and be sweethearts and blah blah blah! CHILD HAVE YOU EVEN FINISHED PLAYING YOURSELF? YOU ARE FRESH OFF THE MONKEY BARS! wtf?

and that was just one instance.

All im sayin is please please please set high goals for yourself. Plan to have a degree, move out of the house with your parents, have MONEY saved up, and have a good relationship (aka be MARRIED) before you plan to have kids. Good things come to those who wait.

The Past should just be the past...

So today I was in the same room as someone who I would rather not see ever again in my life. Someone who had a big role in what made high school so bad for me. It was the girl that one of my "ex's" played me for, the girl who made me look like a dumbass. Now Im not gonna say that we were rolling eyes and making evil glares at one another because the beef should be squashed and really thats just childish. I dont like him anymore and frankly to this day i cant figure out why I ever did. But just seeing her again opened my mind to thinking about the past. How much pain I went through, how many tears I shed, how I cried almost every night, how I lost control one time and actually got into a small disagreement, or fight if you will. Its crazy how dumb you can be all because you really really like somebody, how blind you can be because for years I was being played. That chapter of my life ended because how he had me and her on 3 way and he told me with her as a witness that every time he told me he loved me it was a lie, he told me that he didnt see himself with me, he told me he wanted her and only her.

Its just that seeing her today brung all that back up and I felt like I was 17 again. I felt like I was that little depressed girl that just lost the one she liked oh so much.

I just feel like the past should be the past. Its just something about that chapter in my life that will always feel incomplete, I just want to go back to having it wayyy in the back of my mind and leave the rest to thinking about my future.

I cant bring myself to care too much because I have Nick and I kno that he will never have me go thru that ever again. He is my angel who I kno will take care of me, and after I talked to him about this everything just felt better, I just know my past will never amount to my future. So imma let the past be the past.

Coping Skills

Ever since I moved into my own apartment in Hampton I've learned something about myself. I do not know how to accept and deal with things when they are not going my way. Although I may not always act like it or show my true feelings my day can really be ruined if I'm upset about something.

When I lived in Hampton I was dirt dirt poor. Like eating was a struggle, people always talked about how much the caf sucked ans how horrible the food was but I really wished I had a meal plan cuz I would have never been hungry. I used to HATE going to work at Chilis because I did not want to be a damn host I wanted to serve. I didnt want to wait until somebody said "Oh Daisha would you like to start serving?" All I ever heard was "Oh you need to learn how to host first before you can serve." WTF!? Whats so hard about seating people? F that job and F chilis.

(see right there I just got mad about my situation there)

Now to get to the reason why I really wrote this blog about my coping skills. I only told Nick and my closest friend Ikea how I really felt about my birthday party. (Tara I know you asked me alot of times how it was and now I can honestly admit that I was avoiding the question)

My birthday was a disaster to me and I dont want to remember anything that had to do with me turning 20 besides the fact that I actually turned 20 on June 11, 2009. I couldnt think of anything to do that wouldnt cost anything to anybody and I wanted to be with all of my friends from Baltimore and Hampton. So when I thought of the hotel party I thought of how much fun it would be with food and music and friends just having a good time. I thought about who would possibly come and I had a list that I was content with. But I was worried that people wouldnt fully connect because they were from different areas and had different intrests depending on where they were from. I had my mother make alot of chicken I made some shrimp, bought some fruit made a fruit salad along with other food we had. Oh and a big cake that prob coulda feed over 30 ppl altho I was only expecting about 20. Well if you saw any of my birthday pictures you would notice that the only people who atteneded was me, my 2 best friends Ikea and Brittany, my boyfriend, and Brent & Lamont. NOBODY ELSE CAME. Now I had about 20 people coming, of those 20 I didnt even include Brent and Lamont. Granted Tara and Tamara called me and informed me that due to bad weather they would not be able to attend. BUT NOBODY ELSE EVEN TEXTED OR CALLED ME TO SAY OH IM NOT COMING. OH AND P.S. it NEVER rained in Baltimore so NONE of my Baltimore friends hada reason to NOT COME after they REPEATEDLY told me that they were COMING.

i mean it was so bad that I had talked to one girl at 8pm which is when my party started and arranged a way for her to get there and after that I hadn't heard from her again besides a "good morning" text about 4 days later. and she told me to "just be mad about it" when I told her how frustrated I was that she never came to my party. REALLY?

Needless to say I had to force chicken and shrimp down Brent and Lamonts throats because I had wayyy too much for the 5 people who actually came. I had to throw away just about everything else.

I did take some things into consideration like:
my party was on a Thursday night
alot of people had transportation issues
the weather was predicted to be bad
...but still...

Now back to my coping skills, its July (I really dont kno what today is lol) OH! July 9th, almost a month after my birthday and I can finally get it off my chest what I was really feeling inside. And even still when I see some of my friends do things I think to myself, "oh they can do this or that or go here or there but they couldnt come to my party?" And some of these people that didnt come i still havent talked to them since then.

But I am able to write this blog because i am no longer mad and its sad it took me this long but I am letting it go, I took this as a learning experience.

GOODNIGHT!

If I was to wake up
and it wasnt to your call
If i was to go the entire day
and not talk to you at all
If I was to have a bad moment rythum
and not want to tell you
If I was to cry
and not listen to you cry too

Well I just dont know what I would do
Its gotten so bad
our bond is so strong
that if everything is not right
I wont mind that its so wrong.

You dont know, because I dont tell
but for you I have fell
so deep in love
like two turtle doves
your kiss will stay on my lips forever

So to my panda bear
my one affair
I give you my heart
A canvas too that is big
to display in visual art.

So when we start to argue
dont get confused
Could I be so mad that I want to leave you?
Dont worry the answer is not ever.

Picture This...

ok so you're working outside in the sun all day its like 86 degrees, you're hot, sweaty frustrated and just plain angry and its only noon. As the day goes by it just gets worse. You have to work along with another company which never knows what they are doing and none of the emplyees could even tell you their name because they are so confused. So you dread every minute you are there. You get a text from your boyfriend asking you how your day is going and you reply "really badly" he asks you for more details on why its so bad but you dont even have time to answer the text.

and blah blah blah your day is bad and you hate the fact that you havent quit yet......w/e

so now its 8 15 ish pm. mind you youve been at work since 8 45 ish am. feet hurt. headache. no energy. so you call your boyfriend who had the ENTIRE DAY OFF. and asked him what hes doing... "sitting on the couch with my mother" ok great he can come save you from the long walk to the train station in the dark downtown with all the crazy people. His hesitant response "...(sigh) I just dont feel like driving."

WHAT? EXCUSE ME TO ASK YOU FOR SO MUCH! I BEEN OUT HERE FOR ABOUT 12 HORRIBLE HOURS AND YOU CANT GET OFF THE COUCH AND GET ME? YOU TIRED? OH WAIT THATS ME! YOU DONT HAVE ACCESS TO A CAR? OH WAIT THATS ME AGAIN! YOU BEEN WORKING ALL DAY AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO NOW IS RELAX? OH WAIT A MINUTE! THATS EFFIN ME!

oh forget it.. i been out here all day i guess I may as well just take the walk back to the train to wait underground with loud ghetto lil kids talkin about "you aint never gonna get no coochie acting like that!" and " come suck my dick" and "bitch" this and "whore" that. WTF just being loud, ghetto, and ignorant for no reason. It took me like 15 mins to walk to the station and then wait for a good 20 mins for the train to come and it takes me a good 15 mins to get home.

So my plan was to come home take a bath, eat something and get in the bed. but NOOOOOO here he comes over my house talkin bout some "Are you mad at me?" what the hell do you think? I thought you aint feel like driving. why the beep you drive to my house? I dont wanna talk. I wanna rest now. Just because I was an inconvienence to you earlier doesnt mean you can try to patch things up by coming over cuz for all that you coulda got me from the station. So no, I dont want to talk to you. And yes, I am mad at you.

So I'm just going to go to sleep since you left my house, now I can get back to my plans for tonight.

GOODNIGHT

My Main Concern

( I miss y'all!!)

Ok I know I just wrote a blog about me being very happy to be accepted into UMBC and all that but sometimes I just think about how much fun and how many friends I had at Hampton. I know upon leaving alot of things can be said such as "we'll miss you" and "come visit us" and the excitement that comes to both parties when we are reunited via text message or facebook chat. But, from experience, I know that when people split they tend to go their separate ways. It's really something that can not be helped, it's like having a long distance relationship, the fact that you are never there to witness first hand of whats going on there and your friends miss out on whats going on here. Appointments always have to be made in advance to come together to have fun when some time ago it was easier to just walk down the hallway of a building to see one another.

My main concern is that I do not want to be forgotten. I dont want to be the friend who randomly comes up in a reminiscing session like "remember when Daisha said..." I want sentenses to start off like "Daisha just...". I dont want to hear about whats going on 3 weeks after the fact. I want to know the same day that it happenes like before.

Idk.. I know this is stuff that i really cant do much about as time passes. Personally when I got my new phone a couple weeks ago I didnt transfer at least 20 of the people to my new address book because I knew I would never see them or talk to them again. I just want everyone to know that this is my main concern. I'll just say that UMBC is nothing like Hampton.. (if you know what I mean) nothing can replace my crazy friends there. And as far as me not being a "people person" and a commuter student I feel like I wont have many people to talk to and that saddens me.

UMBC Transfer

I am so proud of myself because I feel accomplished. I'm doing things that I've never thought I would do before. In January of 2009 I made the decision that I was not going to continue to go to the school that I love, Hampton University and transfer to a school that I knew I would not enjoy too much. I did it for myself and for my family. Hampton was just too expensive and they did not technically have the major that I wanted to concentrate on. At Hampton I was a broadcast journalism major because it was the closest that I could get to my dreams of having a career as a film producer. Everytime I told someone what my major was I always got the "Oh so you wanna be on the news?" question. BEEP NO. I do not wanna chase after stories thats going on right now. I barely even watch the news. But its w/e. I found out that maybe I am just to lazy to even want to produce movies. I made this video with my brother a couple summers ago, it was 8 mins long but it took us ALL DAY to make. So I said forget that, and thought about dreams of being a photographer. I have lots of pictures (esp. of myself, self taken) and I always want more. I found a love to photography, as a result I set out to look for schools (in state) that offered what I wanted. So I looked at the school that my boyfriend goes to, he told me about all the opportunities they had in their visual arts program. So I was convinced, mostly because I wanted to go to school with him Im not gon lie lol. But then I found out that I had to submit a portfolio, the old Daisha would have just said "forget it" but the new Daisha with goals went along with it. I put a little bit of artwork that I've done in the past in there, just some things I did in my free time. Things that I would have never thought to showcase to a school.

So lets just skip ahead in time... I was accepted into the university and accepted into the visual arts program. According to my portfolio score on my personal work (2 out of 5) I have a long way to go as an artist. Overall they gave me a 3 out of 5 so thats kinda average, but I know I am not an average student. I know they do not expect me to come into the school as a highly accomplished photographer but I know I am going to leave that way!

I'm just really proud of myself and I am really looking forward to my future.

Soooo :)

Hi everybody!